Ulterior motives

I know I sometimes come off as though I think I'm an expert on parenting.  I don't think that.  How could I be?  I have one kid who is only 18 months old.  Perhaps I appear that way because I'm just an extremely conceited person.  I choose to think it's because as a stay-at-home parent, I want desperately to feel as though I am knowledgeable about something.

A few weeks ago I said I judged other moms for a few a things, one of them being have a cranky toddler out when it was clearly nap time.  I shouldn't have said that, both because I shouldn't judge, and because it didn't accurately express what I was trying to say.  I know that I can be judgmental, and I shouldn't be. I don't know the circumstances that cause a person to act a particular way, and I shouldn't pretend to understand them.  We all judge, but that doesn't make it right. I don't like being a judgmental person, and I want to change.  I want to set a better example for B.  My husband and I often discuss the fact that we don't want to screw him up too badly (working on the assumption that we are all screwed up in some way!)

Young children need naps.  Healthy sleep habits aid learning, decrease obesity, etc. Here's my confession: I'm not such a stickler about naps because it's good for B.  I want to be home for nap time because it's good for me.  If all he gets is a 20 minute snooze in the car we're both going to have a bad day.   Nap time is my time.  I spend part of it doing the housework and chores that are difficult when he is awake, and then try to spend some time doing something for me: writing this blog, reading, even answering e-mails.  There are going to be days when we're out and it's unavoidable, but I try to limit those, because it really is worth it to me to be home every afternoon.  When we're out for consecutive days, I get nothing done.  It's my sanity. 

I'm not an expert; I'm just figuring it out as I go along.  As a mom I truly appreciate hearing what has worked for other moms and I'm just hoping that what I learn can help someone else and that I can stimulate some discussion that can help us all.

I just want to be by myself right now!

When I worked in child care, I had these adorable cousins who already had a love-hate relationship at the age of 2.  Sometimes when the boy cousin was trying to play with her the girl cousin would say "I just want to be by myself right now!"  It was surprising coming out of the mouth of one so young, but I've thought about those toddlers many times when I wanted to shout the same thing.

As a camp counselor, especially to the elementary school set, I liked going to the bathroom because when I shut the stall door, I was all alone in those four particle-board walls.  I remember saying so to new staff, only to be looked at as though I had 6 heads.  I bet they understood by the end of the first week.  Little did I realize that as a mom, I don't even get to be alone when I go to the bathroom. 

A few times in the past week Ray has allowed B to run into the bathroom when I am showering.  That pitter-patter of his little feet and his little hands on the glass are so precious.  Still, I think, "shower time is supposed to be ME-time!"  For a few minutes I want to let the water run over me and relax, all alone in that glass cubicle.  These days I can't wash the dishes without having a little body squeeze his way between my legs and the cupboard.  I love him and I don't want to miss a thing, but  I need a little time to just be by myself and recharge.  To know he's safe with someone else who loves him.  To remember who I am.