My husband has a good job. He enjoys what he does, and he earns enough that I am able to stay home with B. I'm grateful for that. Unfortunately, he also works weekends, holidays, and otherwise unpredictable hours.
I certainly knew this before we had kids. I anticipated the nights alone and the 12-day-stretches. What I didn't think about was the impossibility of having regular family traditions when one parent may or may not be available.
There are some things that I can't do alone (cutting down the Christmas tree) and others that I simply don't want to (having breakfast with the Easter Bunny). This past year we rushed through the Christmas morning gift opening so that Daddy could get to work.
Living back here I do have other friends and family with whom I can celebrate, for which I am grateful. The Christmas that we spent in North Carolina I sat in church by myself on Christmas Eve and cried. Holidays are the worst time to be lonely.
Obviously we do what we can. We get the tree another day. B and I head to breakfast by ourselves or include other family or friends. We're just in the formative stages of family traditions, anyway. Still, it doesn't feel right that family traditions may or may include Daddy. I feel bad for him for missing them, and bad for B and I for missing him. Things get overlooked or adjusted. It's not the same.
I know I should be grateful for Ray's presence in my life, and B's, and I am. But traditions are important to me, and I'm striving to make them meaningful as well as fun.
I know I'm not the only one in this situation. How do you form family traditions in your hectic lives?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
This IS my job
Last week I was offered a job. It was 20 hours a week, and very flexible. It seemed like a great place to work, and great people with whom to work. It was less than 5 minutes from the house. It sounded perfect.
I didn't take it.
It was a hard decision. I strung them along for some time, which I feel badly about. It did sound perfect, so logically I thought I should want it. It didn't feel perfect though.
I "went with my gut," and feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know there will be times (probably this week, maybe even today) when I think that I should have taken it, because it would be something different. But then there will be times when B is sitting in my lap, or chattering in earnest to me, or exploring the playground, when I know that it was the right decision.
So for all of my whining about there not being opportunities to work part-time, I guess I really just wanted to be a full-time mom after all. I plan to embrace it.
That doesn't mean there may not come a day in the future when I find a job that does feel right, but for now I'm putting everything I can into this job (and it is a job). My boardroom will be the playground, and my employees one smiling, furniture climbing, belly-slapping boy. My co-workers, as always, will be all mothers, all giving 110% to this most important job. There will never be a lunch hour or a quitting time, but the remuneration will make every long hour worth it.
This IS my job, and I'll take it.
I didn't take it.
It was a hard decision. I strung them along for some time, which I feel badly about. It did sound perfect, so logically I thought I should want it. It didn't feel perfect though.
I "went with my gut," and feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know there will be times (probably this week, maybe even today) when I think that I should have taken it, because it would be something different. But then there will be times when B is sitting in my lap, or chattering in earnest to me, or exploring the playground, when I know that it was the right decision.
So for all of my whining about there not being opportunities to work part-time, I guess I really just wanted to be a full-time mom after all. I plan to embrace it.
That doesn't mean there may not come a day in the future when I find a job that does feel right, but for now I'm putting everything I can into this job (and it is a job). My boardroom will be the playground, and my employees one smiling, furniture climbing, belly-slapping boy. My co-workers, as always, will be all mothers, all giving 110% to this most important job. There will never be a lunch hour or a quitting time, but the remuneration will make every long hour worth it.
This IS my job, and I'll take it.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Mommy guilt for dummies
My husband is pretty wonderful. He's a great dad and always very supportive of me. Still, he is completely clueless about why I am so conflicted about going back to work.
The thing is, I am an intelligent, educated woman. It seems a little ridiculous to have put the time and money into a master's degree only to spend my day changing diapers and playing with blocks. I do crave adult interaction at times, as well as appreciation. Appreciation not just for making dinner, but for my mind. I want to be stimulated and challenged and to feel competent!
It's important to me not to lose my identity. I want to be active in the community and not just B's mom.
On the other hand, I love my son so much. I'm certain that no one else will take care of him as well as I do. I want to make the decisions about what he eats, how he is entertained, and how he is disciplined. I want to be able to take care of him when he is sick. I want to be the first face he sees when he wakes up.
My mom is our childcare, which in many ways is great. The one way in which it is not is that other sitters would be less likely to question me about my decisions. I love how close B is to his Nana, but I am still the mom.
So I'm torn. In a day I'll flip-flop so many times. My usual indecisiveness? Perhaps, but also appreciation for what a complex decision it is.
Still confused? You must not be a mom.
The thing is, I am an intelligent, educated woman. It seems a little ridiculous to have put the time and money into a master's degree only to spend my day changing diapers and playing with blocks. I do crave adult interaction at times, as well as appreciation. Appreciation not just for making dinner, but for my mind. I want to be stimulated and challenged and to feel competent!
It's important to me not to lose my identity. I want to be active in the community and not just B's mom.
On the other hand, I love my son so much. I'm certain that no one else will take care of him as well as I do. I want to make the decisions about what he eats, how he is entertained, and how he is disciplined. I want to be able to take care of him when he is sick. I want to be the first face he sees when he wakes up.
My mom is our childcare, which in many ways is great. The one way in which it is not is that other sitters would be less likely to question me about my decisions. I love how close B is to his Nana, but I am still the mom.
So I'm torn. In a day I'll flip-flop so many times. My usual indecisiveness? Perhaps, but also appreciation for what a complex decision it is.
Still confused? You must not be a mom.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Bye-bye, boobie
On Saturday, B will be 15 months old. That is the date I have set to stop breastfeeding.
It's time. It's no longer as enjoyable for either of us as it once was. I'm looking forward to enjoying wine with dinner again! And I am so over pumping.
Still, it's a big milestone.
I never saw myself Extended Breastfeeding (EBF). I always said that it stopped with the first birthday cake. But here's the thing: I loved it. He loved it. What's not to love?
First and perhaps most importantly, breastfeeding is an incredible bonding activity. Your baby's skin is next to yours, and first the first 6 months, you are providing all of the nutrition that your baby needs. That's amazing, right? This time is incredibly soothing for your child. It can calm him, put him to sleep, and fill his belly.
Although we're winding down, I was really glad that I was still breastfeeding this past weekend when B was sick. He was absolutely miserable and nothing seemed to soothe him, but nursing still did the trick.
Of course, it's also free and so convenient. Nothing to buy, no bottles and coolers to carry; the food is always available.
Besides being soothing, breastfeeding provides your baby with antibodies that aren't found in formula. These antibodies lower your child's risk of SIDS, ear infections, stomach viruses and respiratory infections, asthma, diabetes, obesity, and childhood leukemia! (http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/breastfeeding.cfm#a)
As if that's not enough, breastfeeding can also lower mom's risk of diabetes, breast and ovarian cancer, and postpartum depression. Plus it helps you lose weight! I know I've joked before about weight loss being the main reason to breastfeed. You know what? It doesn't matter if it is. No matter what your primary motivation, your baby is still getting all of the benefits!
So while it's time to move on, I'm sad to stop breastfeeding too. We were a great team. We had so many special moments with him curled up against my chest. Sure, there were moments when I felt chained to the house or to the pump, but they were a small price to pay for all of the benefits for both of us.
Bye-bye, boobies.
It's time. It's no longer as enjoyable for either of us as it once was. I'm looking forward to enjoying wine with dinner again! And I am so over pumping.
Still, it's a big milestone.
I never saw myself Extended Breastfeeding (EBF). I always said that it stopped with the first birthday cake. But here's the thing: I loved it. He loved it. What's not to love?
First and perhaps most importantly, breastfeeding is an incredible bonding activity. Your baby's skin is next to yours, and first the first 6 months, you are providing all of the nutrition that your baby needs. That's amazing, right? This time is incredibly soothing for your child. It can calm him, put him to sleep, and fill his belly.
Although we're winding down, I was really glad that I was still breastfeeding this past weekend when B was sick. He was absolutely miserable and nothing seemed to soothe him, but nursing still did the trick.
Of course, it's also free and so convenient. Nothing to buy, no bottles and coolers to carry; the food is always available.
Besides being soothing, breastfeeding provides your baby with antibodies that aren't found in formula. These antibodies lower your child's risk of SIDS, ear infections, stomach viruses and respiratory infections, asthma, diabetes, obesity, and childhood leukemia! (http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/breastfeeding.cfm#a)
As if that's not enough, breastfeeding can also lower mom's risk of diabetes, breast and ovarian cancer, and postpartum depression. Plus it helps you lose weight! I know I've joked before about weight loss being the main reason to breastfeed. You know what? It doesn't matter if it is. No matter what your primary motivation, your baby is still getting all of the benefits!
So while it's time to move on, I'm sad to stop breastfeeding too. We were a great team. We had so many special moments with him curled up against my chest. Sure, there were moments when I felt chained to the house or to the pump, but they were a small price to pay for all of the benefits for both of us.
Bye-bye, boobies.
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